Thursday, December 6, 2012

It's a bad day for duck.

Good Tidings Poolers,

As you all know our dear friend Demane is away and has entrusted me, C.C., with the responsibility of recapping this week’s episode. I gotta tell ya, I was against the whole Blobbing thing. A bunch of people with an inflated opinion of their opinions cluttering the internet with drivel and nonsense.However, after the fourteenth four letter tirade, I now have a new found respect for what D and some many others publish. As Daisy told says, “Blogging ain’t for fools”. And with that said, let’s commence my first and last blog post. For as many of you know, I m a fool, even more so for agreeing to do this.

The show starts off the remaining chefs discussing the previous elimination round. Unfortunately, Tyler, who always looks like he’s seeing the camera for the first time in his life, feels the need to point out that the past two parted chefs were both winners the week before. Come on, Man! Don’t you know when you say something like that you’re bound to go home this week.




Though the editors do a good job of trying to trick us by having Stephan tell us it’s his birthday. He’s 40. Either that’s not true or the years have been extremely unkind. I guess chefs are like Cuban baseball players. On his season everybody went home on their birthday. Come on people do you really think Stephan is going home so early? He’s good t.v., his creepy overt sexual advances provide a whole different tension in the house. He’ll make it to the end of the season and mail in the final challenge and lose to one of my picks. Classic Stephan.

Pack it up Chefs. It’s time to go to Pike’s Place Market, a mandatory filming locations for Seattle. If you shoot anything in Seattle some of it has to take place at Pike’s Place. It’s like going to Paris and taking picture of the Eiffel Tower. Here the contestants are greeted by Padme in some crazy tight pants, not complaining,




and local chef Daisley “Flash” Gordon. Daisley has brought down his entire pantry to the market for the Quickfire Challenge.though she makes it sound as if he did it all himself, I don’t think he really did. Anywhoo. since all of the marketers do all there set up predawn, they often miss the most important meal of the day, Breakfast. So the chefs will prepare breakfast to go...cue dramatic music ...ON A STICK. Who came up with this twist? Were they being chased? We know the show has been running for a while but that seems a little tacked on. Step it up Top Chef. The chefs buddy up and will compete in teams of two. Of course after last week’s spat in the Stew Room, Most Hated, those glasses aren’t real, and Pringles mustache Josh get teamed up together. You can just feel the uncomfortableness. Well Done Top Chef.

Eliza also reveals that deep down she is really a Dirty Hippie that followed Wide Spread Panic in the back of a van serving Sushi. “Ladies and gentlemen please stay away from the Brown sushi rolls they’re bad.”




First it’s off to the appliance store to grab your implements of cooking. Bart obviously is taking this challenge serious, willing to embarrass himself by running on camera and trying to sneak past CJ like a kid in line for Space Mountain. I knew I picked you for reason.





John and Josh:


Eliza and Josie


Micah and Kristen:


Cj and Tyler:


Danyele and Lizzie:


Sheldon and Bart:


Stephan and Brooke:


Well the Dirty Hippie’s traveling sushi shop van experience has failed her again. And the winners of immunity are Bart and Sheldon. Well done all that running paid off. I knew I picked you for a reason.Judging by last week’s preview this is a good week to have immunity.

For the Elimination Challenge: the teams will have to highlight a specific Oh yeah and they still have to work with each other. Tighten the tension strings for Most Hated and Pringles.




The knife pulling takes place and here are the ingredients;

John and Josh: Truffle Popcorn

Eliza and Josie: Cardaman Bitters

Micah and Kristen: Cheese Curds

Cj and Tyler: Spicy Dill Pickle

Danyele and Lizzie: Coconut Curry Chocolate

Sheldon and bArt: Salmon Candy

Stephan and Brooke: Rose Petal Jelly

CJ and Tyler are going to make a burger and put the pickles on the burger. Now I’m no expert and that sounds good to me...but don’t you think you want to aim a little higher. If I’m liking it there is no way it’ll do good on Top Chef. Why not get some Beefaroni and throw some pickles on it. You Fools. Could the foreshadowing come true?

Jazz Patch and Model Boston, which there wasn’t enough of this episode, are doing cheese curds three ways. Again a little simple here. Not liking how this one is going.

Sheldon and Bart are going to do some type of salmon candy salad thing. Better Warmer.

Most Hated and pringles are going to do pork tenderloin cut into medallions with grits and truffle popcorn. Pringles isn’t crazy about the pork but decides to go along for the sake of getting along. I think he’s just setting up an excuse to throw Curt Rambis Glasses under the bus.

Danyele and Lizzie decide that since they have chocolate they have to cook a dessert. Not good. You never cook dessert if you don’thave too. It’s automatic bottom three ladies. Haven’t you watched this show before?

Eliza and Josie have no idea what they are doing. just getting lost in the market and talking about how they have to be on the same page. Good game plan ladies.

Birthday Boy and Brooke aren’t happy about the Rose Petal Jelly. It’s what old ladies wear to stop from smelling. Get used to it old man. That’s you dating pool now. Shoot you make Stripes look young.

Here are the dishes
John and Josh:


Eliza and Josie:


Micah and Kristen:




Cj and Tyler:


Danyele and Lizzie:


Sheldon and Bart:


Stephan and Brooke:



After all is said and done. The group decides that all of the dishes sucked. And the faces of the disappointed artisans show it.




Apologies have to be made. And since tom is so embarrassed he wants to take the 10 grand off the table. Budget cuts, or does that go to charity? A culinary school in Westchester for underprivileged children.

Tom comes in and berates the chefs. Most Hated has never see Tom mad before.

Really? I’ve never seen him happy before? Maybe since nobody likes you and is constantly miserable around you, you have difficulty figuring out people emotional states. just a theory.

There is no 10 large for the winners because there are no winners, except the underprivileged children that want to attend cooking school in Westchester. Also this is a double elimination now because of the level of failure. Plus this will make it easier to bring back another chef from seasons past. I smell a ruse.

To the judges table! The unlucky ones are Most Hated and Pringles, Birthday Boy and Brooke, (could the curse be real?) and CJ and Tyler. Shouldn’t have opened up your big fat mouth tubby.

Surprisly, All contestants are somewhat civil to eachother no one really goes out their way to through a teammate under the bus. Good job guys probably because Christmas is coming and no one wants to land on the naughty list..except CJ feels the need to trash the coconut dessert. Come on man. They’re not even on the block. You need to pick on someone in the room. No wonder you lost your season.


Of course, this is an opportunity for unibrow to zing and he doesn’t miss those opportunities. “You burger was worse”. ZING!


After the dismissal all of the judges are split and it comes down to Gail. on a side note. Very disappointed that Gail is wearing such a conservative top. Usually she’s got a zeppelin race going on and we have front row seats.


But I digress.

The losers are called back and in the end Gail has chosen the Burger Boys to go home.


Tyler you’re on the bottom but you were never on the top. Funny how that works. The Birthday Curse has been reversed,!!! Stephan will celebrate with a strong glass of geritol.


Oh But wait there’s more Last Chance Kitchen starts tonight one of these jokers gets the chance to come back and further humiliate themselves so to Last chance Kitchen. Where Tyler, CJ and Kuniko will battle hfor the right to return.

The challenge. CJ and Tyler will have to work together against Kuniko. Since CJ had to call out the dessert they will now have to make a dessert. Have you ever heard the old Kilingon proverb, “Revenge is a dish best served cold” It’s very cold in this studio when you make “Hay Ice Cream”. Yes straw and ice cream sounds great. Almost as good as peanuts and gum or V8 and Good and Plenty’s. Disgusting CJ.

Tyler already is not on board and is going to make beignets, while Kuniko is compress fruit in a cylinder shape. OK.

At tasting, Kuniko has Frozen banana with fruit compote and lemon curds. Wingus and Dingus present their Hay Ice Cream and Cherry Fritter with Cherries and Arugala. Well it’s more interesting than a burger, I’ll give them that.

The verdict: Cj and Tyler. Sorry Kuniko. It’s tough to keep winning head to head competitions. Plus it’s a losing battle. You really think you’ll make it back on the show and win it? Not bloody likely.

Well that’s the end folks and damn this was a pain in the ass. Though this experience has given me the confidence to start my own blog Camden Corner, fan fiction site based on the show 7th Heaven. Look for it. Next week Demane is back. Enjoy.


TOP CHEF SEATTLE
STRIPES Jazz Patch
GBG Brooke and Sheldon
JET Model Boston and Sheldon
MO Most Hated and Sheldon
LUCY Valentine and Brooke
LB Most Hated
TRIPP Sheldon
CC Vandaele Industries and Jazz Patch
Q Lizzie and Sheldon
KAT Most Hated
KEITH Model Boston and Jazz Patch
JENNA Valentine and Brooke
MARI Stefan and Jazz Patch
KAREN E. LOGUE Lizzie and Sheldon
MERIDEN Lizzie and Brooke
GRACE Most Hated and Sheldon
COLUCCI Sheldon and Josie
DAISY Model Boston
HOLLY CJ and Kuniko
ELLIE Most Hated and CJ
ME Brooke

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