Wednesday, November 30, 2011

"I don't eat meat."

Howdy Poolers!

Before we set it off- have you sent your cheddar? Put the cheese in the mail!

And check this out, Stuff Magazine (can you really call it a magazine though?) has an article on local Boston chefs that have been on reality TV. White Tiff’s in it!
http://stuffboston.com/stuffboston/archive/2011/11/14/time-to-digest-local-chefs-reflect-on-the-sweet-and-sour-sides-of-reality-tv.aspx

And from Jet Li: “This article might be old as balls, but i thought i might send it to you in case you end up in frederick, MD.”
http://www.zagat.com/buzz/12-upcoming-top-chef-restaurants?zagatbuzzid=sep11week4&utm_source=buzz&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=buzz20110928
Dopeage!

Now on with the show!
After the chili cook off and Accessory Chef Richie’s teary goodbye (“It’s me! It’s me!”) Pads comes out and tells the Chefs to: “Pack your bags and meet me in Dallas.”
So much for sleeping in, huh? There’s some talk about ‘Beautiful Chris’ aka Chris C., going in one car that makes Accessory Chef Chris call himself ‘Ugly Chris.’
Aww. It’s sad cause it’s sorta true.

When they get in their Product Placement cars revelations abound:
-Baby Face Bev has a tattoo! (News to me!)

-Coke Mouth just hit his one-year anniversary with his lady. “The moment I broke down and accepted her into my life was the best day of my life.”
Really? Cause you’re kinda making it sound like you got a colonoscopy. I can’t wait ‘til she hears your relationship described like that and breaks the rest of your jaw.
-TyLor God Of Cooking has a bf!
-Chris C. was 70 pounds heavier two years ago!

Looks like Jack Black's younger brother.
Before we learn that Dakota was a stripper in a coalmine they hit a roadblock that turns out to be Padma sporting the Jaclyn Smith Collection from Kmart. She’s next to John Besch

aka
John Edwards.

(Tell me it’s not tough being a Southern chef with this cheating doppelganger around.)

Quickfire Challenge
Make the best possible dish with the “survival kits” in the trunks of their Product Placement cars. Surprise! No utensils! Just Sterno burners and mostly canned goods. Best dish wins 5k and immunity and 30 Minutes Starts Now!

Accessory Chef Chris runs to get corn from the cornfield, shucks it and then chucks it because it’s so dry. Chris C. finds canned fruit, garbanzo beans. Lindsay is out of her comfort zone with the canned goods. She uses Vienna sausages that she hates but her father loves.
When I was little I thought V-ANNA Sausages were a delicacy. Basically because I thought anything that was little (baby corn, Brussels sprouts- I’d tell My Mama: “It’s like a head of lettuce for my Barbies!”) was expensive and important. I was partial to them because of this. Oh, and I thought those cans with a lid that you opened like a soda were expensive too. Underwood Deviled Ham? I just knew that shit cost $10 a can. Nevermind that it looks and smells like flesh colored vomit.)
Coke Mouth looks at the mush everyone’s making and says he’s not going to cook “Flintstone’s food just because they’re at a campsite.” Then he pulls his back. And it must be bad because they use the classic Top Chef SFX where is sounds like brakes are screeching next to a spooky house with an owl and a baby ghost. Then Coke Mouth complains about the sun and the heat and the mud. Perhaps this loose-jawed jack off is going back home to his gf of one year. (If she’ll have him after the way he spoke about their relationship…)

When it comes time to judge, ummm, well lemme just start by saying most of these dishes looked like vomit on a tin plate.
Least Faves – SadFace’s beer and peach glazed chicken with green bean casserole. (The “peach” came from a peach roll up!) Edwards says he “just didn’t feel the love.”
Dakota’s “one dimensional and almost all sweet” spicy noodles with crabmeat, green chili, pineapple and corn.
Chris C.’s spicy coconut and garbanzo beans with tofu (he used Crystal Lite lemonade mix as the acid.) Edwards: “…the raw tofu and crabmeat, under seasoned? Just threw the whole dish off.”

Faves- Coke Mouth’s thai peanut soup with nori wrapped salmon, tofu and fired hominy. The “attention to detail was commendable.”
Lindsay’s play on soup and a sandwich: triple club with tuna & sardines (saltines formed the “bread”) in French onion soup with V-Anna sausage.
Cashew Chuy’s basmati rice with canned smoked trout which made Edwards “a believer.” In canned trout?
And the winner is…Lindsay! She gets 5k and immunity!
Coke Mouth: “That had to have been one hell of a sandwich cause it looked dry as the Texas land we were standing on.”
Have some more Haterade! And try new H2 with half the calories and all the Aggression you need!

The Elimination Challenge
Three sets of neighbors in Dallas are having a progressive dinner party- Oh! Oh! I know what this is! When I was a secretary at Hill Holliday someone had one of those! People who live near each other host and have apps at one house, then entrée at another, etc. Cool right?!
Hm, now I’m remembering that I didn’t actually go to the progressive party. Perhaps I wasn’t invited? Racists!
Pads breaks them the chefs into groups but this is an individual challenge (thank Buddha.)

After checking into a Dallas hotel and dropping their bags; the Appetizer Crew-SadFace, Street Food, Accessory Chef Chris, Sarah Smile & Lindsay, arrive at Kim and Justin’s palatial estate. Accessory Chef Chris remarks it’s like Desperate Housewives. You got that right. Turns out that Kim is a party planner who has had several books on planning published. These books are out on the kitchen table.

Desperate!
As they stand among the expensive appliances, silver busts and Michael Jacksonesque marble clocks with columns and elephants, SadFace reveals she had quite a different childhood: her family grew up poor and lived in hotels. “And not nice ones.”
Awww, no wonder she’s so sad!
Desperate Kim has a lot of things she doesn’t like: bell peppers, cilantro, foods that get stuck in teeth, foods that are not easy to eat, foods that cause bad breath. Finally, she admits she’s not very adventurous when it comes to new food and, I bet, sexual positions.

The Entrée Crew-Cashew Chuy, TyLor God Of Cooking (who has “a lot of experience cooking for Bill Gates” (he served him veal at a wedding once) “rock stars” (geologists) and “movie stars” (AMC Movie Theater ushers), Nyesha, Baby Face Bev & Heather get a newlywed couple who had 700 people at their wedding.
Dood.
The husband is an adventurous eater but the wife that hates cilantro, raspberries and "I don't eat meat."

Cashew Chuy says this is why he doesn’t do this type of thing. He prefers “high maintenance” people like the newlywed vegetarian come to his restaurant so he can kick them out there.
Note To Self: Don’t ever eat at Cashew Chuy’s but buy a t-shirt. (But only if it says Cashew Chuy’s.)

The Dessert Crew-Dakota (pissed that she has to make dessert again. “I didn’t come here to make desserts.”), Grayson, Chris C. & Coke Mouth learn that the man of the house loves cake balls.
Yes.
Also cupcakes. And he reveals he has a gummy bear addiction and his wedding cake was a giant gummy bear.

Nuff said.

After 30 Minutes to shop ($250 each) they get to the homes with 2 hours to cook and lemme tell you this, each of these kitchens are almost as big as the friggin TC Kitchen! I want a big kitchen too but holy crap.
Chris C. is nervous about his cupcakes, he already knows it’s going to be difficult. Coke Mouth refers to himself as brokeback brokeback. Baby Face Bev uses the whole sink and all the colanders. Nyesha and Heather are frustrated at her moving blanching water and taking plates out of the way. Meanwhile Coke Mouth isn’t trying to base 12 people’s desserts on two people’s palettes. Yup, that’s how this is gonna go.

At the Appetizer House, the Judges’ arrive -Colicchio, Gail, John Edwards and- hey, Pads’ breasts are here, you guys! Hi, Pads' breasts!

(Notice Desperate Kim’s husband seated next to her.)
Meanwhile Desperate Kim WHOA -someone had a heavy hand on the spray tan button!

She’s trying to rival Pads’ skin tone!
Later Kim mentions she had 1,200 people at her wedding.
Twelve Hundred.
One Two Hundo.
Gail: “I don’t’ think I know twelve hundred people.”
That’s because you’re not desperate, Gail. Be proud! And please give your stylist a raise, you look marvelous!


Appetizers-
Accessory Chef Chris does a roasted chicken cigar with sweet corn, collard greens and cumin ash-

Genius!
Buuut, it is kinda like you’re eating penis in front of everyone. Colicchio says the flavors are okay but it’s dry. The newlywed vegetarian says the idea of eating a cigar doesn’t appeal to her.
Sarah Smile’s grilled roman-style artichokes with date puree, pecans and fresh mint are appealing. Lindsay’s roasted and raw beet salad with chickpeas and greek vinaigrette is “a little boring” according to John Edwards. The guests’ like it.
SadFace’s seared scallop over sweet corn puree is not “a conversation starter.” Street Food’s fried Brussels sprouts with grilled proscuitto is delicious. (Makes me wanna eat pork. Yeah, I said it.)

Entrées!
TyLor is reassured by having Heather around since they’re good friends which is a hint and a half that one of them might be going home…or that they’re going to have a cat fight in the gazebo that they didn’t show but is prolly out in the back of one of the mansions festooned with baubles and the heads of former servants cause methinks that’s how these Dallasians do it.

Heather’s garlic and rosemary grilled lamb chops with garbanzo beans and mint chimichurri was…overcooked. People were sawing those effers!
Cashew Chuy’s sockeye salmon fillet stuffed with goat cheese (no peanuts this go round?) and cherry tomato relish on top (huh?) is enjoyed by the guests but the Judges’ don’t say much and Cashew knew the fish was overcooked when he took it out the oven. Baby Face Bev’s seared scallop with creamy polenta and crispy garlic is a success!
TyLor’s spice rubbed grilled pork tenderloin with summer slaw is a bit dry and “sloppy” per Gail. One guest says it reminded her of something her parents would have made in the 50s. You know when they weren’t having the maid make all the meals a la IMITATION OF LIFE.
Nyesha intros her roast filet of beef with vegetable mélange in red wine sauce. The newlywed vegetarian doesn’t like how the red wine reduction resembles blood.

Dood, you got next to nothing to eat all day, I recognize that but come on, she said it was red wine, John Edwards reassured you it was red wine. You live in Texas, it’s friggin Cowland! Just eat Cashew Chuy’s dry ass salmon and stifle.

Desserts!
Dakota presents banana bread pudding with Reese’s cups, banana mousse and a banana date milkshake served in a cup made out of a date. (Did I mention she had banana?) The guests say they could eat her pudding all day. (That sounds durty!)
Chris C.’s strawberry cupcake filled with banana custard and chocolate icing and mint chocolate chip ice cream with bananas and strawberries on the side (whew) is called “The best ever!” by the Gummy Bear Wedding Cake Guy but Colicchio is silent and then says the classic: “My mother told me if I don’t have anything nice to say…” Ouch.
Coke Mouth’s cardamom scented panna cotta, cantaloupe consommé and raspberries stuffed with basil pudding (wow) is called “jiggly looking” by the newlywed vegetarian. Desperate Kim says it tastes better than it looks. Huh?


Honestly these women are coming off like children with their parent’s wallets. They want fancy for fancy’s sake.
For Fancy’s Sake – The Newlywed Vegetarian Story, coming this Tuesday night to Lifetime Television.
Grayson presents her chocolate sponge cake, caramelized bananas & semifreddo.
Now, was there some sort of banana quota that needed to be reached here? I don’t recall that in the rules. One guest says Grayson’s dish is a little rich for his taste buds. Colicchio: “I thought it was impossible to be too rich in Dallas, Texas.”
We Are The 99% Burn!

The Panel does the judging at the Gummy Bear Wedding Cake Guy’s House –kinda weird. Oh, I see, you’re filming into the night? So I can’t lean on my diamond-encrusted credenza in my silk bathrobe as I Skype with the pool boy I’m having the affair with? Okay. I’ll use the platinum bookcase in the East Wing.
Pads asks to see… Sarah Smile, Grayson, Street Food and Dakota. They have
…their favorite dishes!
Dakota looks like she’s going to cry. Oh and I almost forgot! Gail's breasts came to dinner too! Hi Gail's breasts!

They liked everyone’s food but the chef winner who had great food AND listened to the client is…Street Food!
Sarah Smile claps and says YAY a little too loudly and Street Food feels obligated to huge her.
PHOTO
Ew.

Then they ask to see TyLor, Chris C., Cashew Chuy and Accessory Chef Chris. Get ready for some trash talk!
Colicchio says it’s almost as if Chris C. was at a three year old’s party and they had cupcakes and all the fixings and kids went crazy. Chris C. says he was trying to please everyone. (But not his hairdresser, no, he’s using that hair product on his own. It has nothing to do with Guiseppe at The Head Shoppe.)
TyLor God Of Cooking admits his dish is out of proportion. His knife skills weren’t there and the meat wasn’t stacked properly (Hm, that sounds kinda weak for comments, Judges, but I’ve been feeling like TyLor doesn’t belong for a while. His plates are just boring. Oh, that’s his last name...)
Cashew Chuy says his dish was a play on a lox and bagels tasting thing.
Pardon? It was salmon in a corn husk with tomatoes on top. Gail says the salmon was overcooked and the cheese was mealy. Chuy gives her some crap about when you cook fish and cheese you don’t want to do it so that the cheese is lukewarm. Colicchio: “If it’s a dish that, because you have cheese…you have to make the salmon well done in order for it to work, why is that a good dish?”

Accessory Chef Chris mentions the cigar case the guest had that inspired him to make the cigar appetizers. John Edwards tells him the collard ribs were stringy and it was gimmick. He needs to focus on good food.
Finally, Pads tells…Cashew Chuy!
To pack his knives and go.
Dakota makes him feel like even less of a man by picking him up when she hugs him goodbye.


But hold up, it’s not over cause it’s
The Last Chance Kitchen!!
(I keep forgetting about this, Jesus, that’s why I’m up until 4am doing this.)
Cashew Chuy says he takes back thinking he was good under pressure. Sure you do. He gets to the TC House and reads the letter from Colicchio. He drinks a beer. I'm not lying. And goes to the Kitchen to compete against Big Buddha.
The challenge is all about beef. They put shower caps on and Big Buddha is excited, he's never been to a real butcher shop- Oh, they did the whole thing so they could show how big the trunk of the friggin Product Placement car is. Jesus. Whatevs.
The Challenge-
Butcher five bone-in rib eyes from the rib rack and then cook it perfectly. He gives them 45 minutes. Big Buddha cooks his steak on an upside down cast iron frying pan- a technique that came from necessity. He did a little rosemary asparagus but his chop was seared more on one side than the other. Just a little.
Cashew Chuy didn't do side dishes, just simple salt and pepper. He cooked the chop medium rare as expected but Colicchio didn't like that he didn't keep "the cap on" the chop (muscle.)
Colicchio says they were pretty much equal but...
Big Buddha's was slightly seared more on one side so he goes home! AWWWWW....
Cashew Chuy is still in. But dayum you were cool, Keith. We'll miss you, Big Buddha.

Until next week Poolers...

TOP CHEF TEXAS!
LOGUE Grayson
TRIPP Heather and Nyesha
ELLIE Street Food and Sarah
KAT B Sarah
MAUREEN Lindsay and Nyesha
KEITH B Heather
MERIDEN Grayson and Street Food
LB2 Chris C. and Coke Mouth
COLUCCI Accessory Chef Chris
LB Coke Mouth and Ty-Lor God Of Cooking
KRISTEN K Lindsay and Nyesha
BERTSCH Heather and Dakota
ED K Accessory Chef Chris and Street Food
BROWNIE Nyesha and Street Food
ME Grayson and Lindsay
Q Coke Mouth
GBG Sarah and Street Food
JET Street Food and Baby Face Bev
STRIPES Lindsay and Cashew Chuy
JENNA Nyesha
DAISY Nyesha and Street Food
CC SadFace and Ty-Lor God Of Cooking
NIKKI M Sarah and Street Food
FLAISHER Nyesha and Cashew Chuy
LUCY Street Food
COLANTO Chris C. and Nyesha

Thursday, November 24, 2011

"I had muscles in places where I didn't...have places..."

Happy Turkey Times, Poolers!
I’m blobbin’ at you straight from the ‘burbs with special guests! My niece, Bkae, and My Mama! When I told Mama I had to watch Top Chef Texas at least three times in order to blob about it, she said: “Is this something you do yourself? Are you getting paid for this? Is this necessary?!!?”
To soften the blow, I’m drowning her in a delicious organic red (Green Fin from Trader Joes for $4.99 –that makes it extra good!) And I’ve plied Bkae with my take on Double Broccoli Quinoa (I steamed broccoli with a couple of cloves of garlic, pureed it and mixed it with quinoa then sautéed broccoli florets with organic corn and peas and laid it on top and sprinkled diced avocado, sea salt and garlic chili oil over the whole thing.) Bkae had seconds! Makes me proud that a girl who saw SUPERSIZE ME and “understands” but still eats McDonald’s will try something new. btw, I used to call it Quin-O-Uh until I met with a nutritionist at Mass General four years ago.

Now on with the show!
At the TC house, Lindsay and Sarah Smile discuss what happened with Big Buddha at Judges’ table . Someone says they turned against each other.
Lindsay: “I don’t feel that we turned against each other do you, Sarah?” Who I am now going to be inextricably linked to for all time? Sarah says she was being honest and Big Buddha didn’t go home because of the shrimp, it was because he used a flour tortilla for his enchilada instead of corn (mind you she pointed out she had Never used one.)
TyLor God Of Cooking: “Either have something really good to put on the plate or eff shut up.” Please, Ty, you know you have a Fritters For Life t-shirt in your suitcase. Nyesha says she really saw people’s true colors come out and it was cutthroat and not so fun anymore. I guess when it’s more fun she does her hair.


They enter the TC Kitchen- My Mama: “Nice set up. Wow!” Mama loves kitchens and kitchen appliances. She had one of those bag sealers that let’s you seal and save foods before anyone else I knew had one. It was like we were a butcher shop! (No, I did not seal my Diana Ross doll. I would have if I could have reached the machine though.)
Pads, in a chocolate sleeveless zippered jumpsuit (yep, you read that right) stands next to, HEY Top Chef Masters and owners of the Border Grille: Susan Feniger and Sweet Mary Sue (last season’s winner!)

They’re by a table laden with chili peppers and charts of hotness according to the Scoville Scale. Each chart also has a dollar value.

If my nephew where there he’d eat a ghost chili for nothing. Zero. You wouldn’t have to pay him a dime. Dood’s heat tolerance is bananas! I can’t speak for his poops. He doesn’t speak for them either but they gotta be painful, right? Flame throwing butthole ACTIVATE!

Quickfire Challenge
Create a dish highlighting one chili pepper. The hotter the pepper, the more money you get if you win.
Accessory Chef Richie is not a spice fan so he chooses a pepper that isn’t that hot. (Huh?) Accessory Chef Chris uses a $7,500 Manzano pepper since his stomach also can’t deal with spice. What kind of chefs are these chefs?
Street Food is the only one that chooses the Ghost Chili. One million Scoville units, Jesus. Just then the pepper-spraying cop enters and sprays all the chefs in the eyeballs.
http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv5367Qktr1r6m1z5o1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJ6IHWSU3BX3X7X3Q&Expires=1322204216&Signature=Nmy5TzYTLPD6h4Nc22Gsf7HDvns%3D
I keed. I am keeder.
Cashew Chuy says he has enough cans of Habanero in his apartment to last through the next nuclear fallout (so next year then?) Oh, also his Dad has grown 40 or 50 pounds of Habanero in the backyard. (Not sure if this takes places during the weekly goat killings.) AND he mentions they probably owe Uncle Sam a little money for that. Yeah. Not what you want to do on a nationally televised show, Cashewy.
Nyesha makes a Habanero vinaigrette, that sounds good- OH Colanto discovered Nyesha is in ANOTHER REALITY SHOW THAT’S AIRING RIGHT NOW! Yup: Chef Hunter on The Food Network.
http://wilshirerestaurant.com/news-events/
I don’t know how this works or when cloning capabilities became available. Ideally I’d like to say Nyesha is gangsta for doing two reality shows but if she loses on both she’s kinda not. Nawmean?

Time!
Feniger says some were “wimpier in their chili use” than others (ouch!)
Least Faves, Baby Face Bev’s “Anaheim chili” crudités (she was the only one that didn’t cook the chili); Accessory Chef Richie’s Frenso slaw with pineapple curd and seared bay scallops (Accessory Chef Chris dropped his head when Richie’s name was called- are these guys hooked up via osmosis?); and Cashew Chuy’s (ooo burn, LITRALLY! cause he uses chili all the time) sautéed scallop with achiote. Turns out Chatty Cashew used CANNED tomato and that overpowered the chili. (Canned?! Don’t let him pick out shrimp en el futuro.)

Faves – Heather’s date and pistachio thai chili cous cous with pickled cucumbers and red onions. Mama: “That’s too much!”; Grayson’s habanero popper with cream lime sauce. Feniger said “It was exciting to see her take the whole habanero” and use it; and Street Food’s chilled coconut soup with Kaffir lime and ghost pepper relish.
My Mama: “That looks like a whole bunch of scrap.”
Me: “Crap?”
Mama: “Scrap. I know what I said.” Time for Mama to have more wines…

And the winner is…
Street Food! He gets immunity and 20k! Bkae asks why I call him Street Food. “Is it because he looks like a homeless person?”

Elimination Challenge
The chefs pull pots from under their stations and open them revealing Gwyneth Paltrow’s head! Naw, it’s aprons! Each team of three (teams again?!) must make chili for a Chili Cook Off.

Black Team: Nyesha , Accessory Chef Richie & Baby Face Bev.
(Nyesha is immediately not pleased since Richie has been in the bottom and Bev is “very meek.” She doesn’t want to carry the team on her back and sweat out the last of two remaining hair curls.) Red Team: SadFace, Dakota & Accessory Chef Chris. Green Team: Chris C., Sarah Smile and Cashew Chuy. Chris C. is worried being on a team with Sarah Smile given what happened with Big Buddha. Really? Cause you were the one who said:


White Team: Grayson, TyLor God Of Cooking & Lindsay. Blue Team: Heather, Street Food & Coke Mouth.
Since chili takes a long time to cook there is no clock!

And they’ll be cooking at the TC house.

They have to be done by 7pm to present their chili to 200 cowboys at the Tejas Rodeo. The cowboys choose a winner and who to lynch.
Sarah is confident since her dad was a bull rider and she grew up going to rodeos-

-and telling other kids her age to use corn tortillas for their PB&J sammiches.

30 Minutes To Shop!
Madness at the meat counter! Dakota looks as if she’s going to cry when she is the first person to ask for the brisket but the last person to actually be served. By that time it’s gone and she has to go with short ribs instead.
At check out Sarah Smile has cornbread “if we have time to make it” on the conveyor belt before the meat. Chris C. says she’s already acting “bitchy.”

TC House - 3:49pm
Black Team has a plan already: Accessory Chef Richie grabs all the equipment, Beverly grabs all the produce and Nyesha takes all the beer. Nice!
4:37pm
Accessory Chef Chris is setting up a grilling area in the outdoor fireplace. Coke Mouth uses the other side of it. Grayson says she’ll give ACC a sheet pan if she’ll give him a spot in the fireplace. Grayson with the bartering skills!
Meanwhile Cashew Chuy does a weird little dance. My niece, Bkae: “I don’t even wanna know.” Everyone braises meat, chops vegetables and roasts like there’s no tomorrow.

Essentially this is what Thanksgiving looks like here except we don’t wear aprons and everyone starts drinking at 11:30 in the morning.

Colicchio shows up and drops bombs. To Black Team: You have any experience with chili? To White Team: No secret ingredient? To Blue Team: What are you doing? Heather: “We’re gonna pickle some peaches.” Colicchio: “What’s that all about?” Heather is rattled.

They cook long into the night. Cashewy prattles on about how he was 110 pounds when he graduated from high school and had “muscles in places where I didn’t even have places yet.”
And how one year he gave up skinning squirrels for Lent.
SadFace works diligently. Sadly. Bkae notes she’s not even frowning but when you look at her face it’s all just sagging down to her chin so she looks sad. My Mama: “Somebody’s face is hanging low?!”

3:06am
Nyesha tries the chili and they all like it. They say it’s finished.
Accessory Alert! Headlamp!

5:12am
Sarah Smile hits the hay. Coke Mouth beds down where he usually does after speedballing and making Rice Krispies treats with bacon and Cafe Buselo for the bus boys at the Marriot who promised him another eighth.


Hold Up- Mama Mystery Solved!
Turns out Mama has been feeding her Beta fish the wrong food! That’s why the bowl was cloudy- those poor Betas had fish diarrhea. Speaking of poops, One Hour to Prep for service!
Coke Mouth is on reheat duty and has to stir and make sure it doesn’t burn. TyLor loves people and h-
Bkae: “Wait! His last name is Boring? Chef Boring?!”
The Cowboys are here!
Fun Facts:
1) Real chili does not have beans.
2) If you’re from Texas, you prollllly have an advantage. (Sarah Smile.)
3) “Real chili ain’t got no beans!”

Okay, we get it, Jesus.
Pads, Colicchio, Gail (who had a bagel accident and needs help opening her beer) and Master Chefs Feniger and Sweet Mary Sue arrive and drink brewskis straight from the bottle.

First up - Green Team - Chris C., Sarah Smile and Cashew Chuy
Traditional chili con carne (no beans) with beef chuck roasted corn, raw white onion, avocado and salt. Sweet Mary Sue loves the depth of flavor. Colicchio says it got better and better. Gail says it needed something to soak it up.

Red Team – Dakota, SadFace, Accessory Chef Chris
Braised brisket and short rib chili with flavors built around the stock from the short ribs. Gail says it had smokiness and just the right amount of meat. Sweet Mary Sue says it was stringy.

Blue Team – Heather, Coke Mouth & Street Food
Smoked brisket chili with summer pickles, peaches and pork rinds on top. Gail loves the pickled peaches. Colicchio says they did a great job with the vegetables and hot sauce but he chili ehhhh…

Black Team – Nyesha, Accessory Chef Richie & Baby Face Bev
Chili mole with chocolate and cinnamon and cornbread. Colicchio: unfortunately for them it’s not a cornbread challenge. They say it didn’t taste like a chili and they wanted more meat. But Pads adds “They wanted to give the mole” vibe and that’s what it is.

White Team – TyLor God Of Cooking
Three bean chili with smoked brisket and poblano cornbread. Yawn! Feniger likes the pickled veggies in it but says, didn’t have any flavor or heat, she likes the Red Team’s better.

While the votes are tallied the cowboys watch the rodeo. The chefs get a round of applause as they take their seats. Everyone laughs—oh Baby Face Bev is bawling again…

Bev: “I was just thinking about how much I wish my husband were here to experience this.”
Excuse me?
I was going to write this in the last blob but Bev actually cried during last week's ep when she saw Blanca dancing with her father at her Quinceañera because it reminded her of her own father and how he doesn’t think women can accomplish much. Ouch. Motivation? Certainly. Dramz? Biiiiigtime. Let's look out for more of this.
Tears 2 – Baby Face Bev –0

Then Pads trots out on horse. For reals.

Chris C. pitches a tent. My niece, Bkae: “Is she a chef? She’s just a face?”
Pads: "The winner of the 2011 Tejas Chili Cook off is…the Green Team!" (Sarah Smile, Chris C. and Cashew Chuy.) Sarah Smile says she's “proud to be a Texan.” Yawn.
Pads: “Unfortunately, Black Team you served the worst chili and someone from your team will be going home.”
OH DAYUM, you just drop it like that in front of all of Texas?! Even the cows are like “Faced!” But wait! Pads says they get one last chance to prove they belong-- they have to transform their losing chili into a winning dish right here and now. They have 30 minutes.
WoooHooo! Those Bravo producers have been huffing Tazo and goji berries- Top Chef Texas just turned into Chopped with Leftovers! Take that Food Network!

Time Starts Now-
These doods are so drained they barely run to the kitchen but once they get there the adrenaline pumps. Nyesha and Baby Face both strain the chili to use the sauce. Meanwhile the other chefs are sitting outside waiting for news. Accessory Chef Chris extolls the virtues of his Accessory Pal. Apparently Richie would give you his kidney. Unfortch he may not be able to cook it very well.

Judges’ Picnic Table!
Baby Face’s plate is so pretty it almost seems to criminal to have to eat it with plastic knives and forks. That’s a pineapple salsa on top.

Nyesha presents Frito-encrusted black tiger shrimp with roasted corn salsa and a reduction of the mole sauce. Accessory Chef Richie intros his Frito-encrusted (hmm) pork tenderloin, potato hash & ricotta cheese chili puree.

Feniger and Colicchio think ACR’s dish is one note and has no brightness. Pads thinks he did a lot in 30 minutes. (But he only had two accessories.) Gail says Nyesha did well but the entire dish needed more sauce. (Nyesha realized it at the last moment.) Colicchio is not impressed. Sweet Mary Sue says it’s almost as if Accessory Chef Richie and Nyesha were embarrassed by the sauce where as Baby Face Bev’s dish was a bit rich but balanced and she changed the flavor profile.
Meanwhile the three up for elimination rejoin the other chefs and Accessory Chef Chris gives Richie a back rub.

Ohkay.
ACChris wants Richie to get to the end with him to show that they’re the best. (Seriously, Pals, it’s Top Chef. Singular. Not plural. It’s like when contestants fall in love on The Biggest Loser or get mad when a teammate has to go home. Someone has to win and someone will lose. Emphasis on ONE.)
Mama: “I think it’s gonna be Richie.”

During the bump Pads says the chefs were so visibility deflated…and then to ask them to cook again… Gail cuts in suddenly: “We’re assholes.” Pads: “Yeah.”
Pretty much. Nice of you to say it before we do.

Back at Judging, it’s album cover time!


On the other side, everyone is in various stages of prayer.



The Judges all agree Baby Face Bev’s is their favorite. She’s safe. They say Nyesha could have taken it further. Accessory Chef Richie had imagination but it didn’t come together.

And so Richie has to pack his knives and go. And we get the sad reverse version of Christian the Lion http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xr1pWzoLvT8


Richie: “It’s me. It’s me.”

Bkae: he’s crying?!
Richie says he’s sorry. Accessory Chef Chris says:

Bkae: “Looks like I walked in on a private moment."

Bkae: "When that happens you just back up and turn around.”
Indeed, Bkae. Indeed.
And so, we avert our eyes as everyone bids Accessory Chef Richie and his headband and wrist warmers and tattoos and his earrings and facial hair and mohawk goodbye.

Unlessssss…
It's time for the-
Last Chance Kitchen!
Accessory Chef Richie v. Big Buddha!

The Challenge
Colicchio says "The Top Chef crew just celebrated Thanksgiving" and there’s a table full of leftovers. They must use at least three ingredients to make a winning dish.
Big Buddha says Accessory Chef Richie can’t stop him. He will not be moved!
Accessory Chef Richie makes a cornbread puree and pours almost half the container of salt into the processor! He says he needs his Accessory Chef Chris to help him. (Co-dependent relationship much?)
Big Buddha chooses ham, turkey and sweet potatoes and presents a grilled turkey and sweet corn hash AND a salsa and blue cheese ham fritter. Uh oh, fritters…
Accessory Chef Richie makes mac and cheese, green bean casserole and cornbread puree with cranberry mousse (dropped in nitro.)
Colicchio: “Did you taste this? A little salty huh?” But then Colicchio says when you eat everything together it ISN'T as salty. He adds that Big Buddha smearing a little pumpkin pie on the plate wasn’t necessary. He announces his mandatory- "nice job" but the winner is...
BIG BUDDHA!!! Wahoooo!
Accessory Chef Richie: “The hardest thing is knowing that Chris and I won’t be in the kitchen again.”
How hard is it really?
Geesh.
Until next week, Poolers!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

“I … dragged the whole piece of meat in my mouth.”

First off! As already emailed, there were a couple of changes made to the list last night- I had the wrong person for Nikki’s pick (she wanted Paul, not Baby Face Bev.) And Liz Colanto emailed as soon as her plane landed from the Dominican Republic and told me she would look at the picks and hit me back (pretty dope of her.) But she wasn’t able to actually email until 10:09pm- that’s not too late, right? So I’ve added her picks to the list below (nothing happened to indicate an outcome 9 minutes in anyhoo.) btw- per Colanto: “Don’t ever go to Dreams Resort in the Dominican.” So if you’re all okay with that, I’d like to set off this ep with an app! Delicious Sam Talbot:

http://newyork.grubstreet.com/2011/11/sam_talbot_quits_imperial_no_9.html?e=grubstreet--20111107

Now what this article did not reveal is that Sam aka Hottie McHottenspiel quit Imperial No. 9 in NYC to be the Chef in my pants. (Hm, that’s a good name for a restaurant: In My Pants. Okay, maybe not.)

This ep begins with intros, several chefs’ talk about themselves. Big Buddha says cooking saved his life and this year he was nominated for a James Beard Award. Accessory Chef Chris tells us of his love of Accessory Chef Richie. Baby Face Bev puts a piece of paper on her mirror that says: ‘Congratulations Top Chef Winner Beverly Kim!’ She will look at this every day. “If I can believe it, I can achieve it.” Hm, did I mention Chef Sam Talbot is the chef in my pants? I may say this a few more times…

They enter the TCTX Kitchen and each stand in front of a skinny box that has a little door and a screen. The kind of wooden box you’d catch something gnarly in. Pads rocks a scarf as a headband, beige pants and a white t-shirt that’s missing one sleeve and has another with an ominous shoulder pad.

Either she threw a few too many passes at football practice and had to ice that sucker or she started smoking again. She’s in front of a huge aquarium with a live snake in it, next to her is Guest Chef, Johnny Hernandez, famous for cooking wild game. He says snake meat is a tradition in Texas. (The closest I’ve ever come to reptile is watching someone eat a alligator-bite (correct me if I’m wrong about this menu item) at Dixie Kitchen that used to be on 182 Mass Avenue across from the Choice Mart that used to have an “i” in the sign that looked like a penis. DK’s jalapeno cornbread, however, was slammin. Also- stop me if I told you this before- I saw Ving Rhames there grubbing back when he had hair! (Jesus, I’m old.))

The Quickfire Challenge
Pads tells the chefs they have an hour, the winner gets immunity and 5k, and their ingredient is in the box in front of them. Big Buddha hates snakes. Chris C. power-smiles through the possibility. Dakota looks like she’s gonna cry. Pads: “When time’s up, I better see some MF snakes on some MFing plates.”
Only one of the Accessory Chefs is amused.

They open the boxes to find…

…the snakes are dead and skinned already.

Even Ty-Lor, God Of Cooking, heaves a sigh of relief. (Not very God-like.)
As they work, Sarah tells Accessory Chef Richie (they’re both from Chicago so I guess they’re Pals?) to cut the snake into sections and get it small so you can work with it. btw Richie is the ONLY chef Not Picked in this pool.
When time is called, Guest Chef’s least faves: Street Food’s BBQ snake with Asian slaw…?!? Wow- he said the snake was lost in the dish; Accessory Chef Richie’s jerk seasoned snake with pineapple (Note: Accessory Chef Chris checked in on his buddy’s dish during cooking) and Nyesha!? The snake was overcooked! (Ny-eeeesha, you made the snake that I never had, and I want to get to know you bet-ter –that one’s too easy, right Colucci? G’head and play it Brownie, I know you got it on your iPod. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDPIK7Fz_g4)
Faves – Baby Face Bev rattle snake Nigiri with Thai basil jalapeno aioli; Dakota’s (really?!) beer battered tempura with warm succotash salad and zucchini corn gazpacho and Sarah’s flash-fried snake with brown butter and lemon zest.
The winner – Dako
—DAKOTA?!
Wow, I’m perplexed, Poolers! (So is Nyesha. This challenge uncurled her hair.)


Elimination Challenge
They draw knives to become Team Green (both Accessory Chefs, Cashew Chuy, Street Food, Coke Mouth, Grayson, Heather and Baby Face Bev) and Team Pink (Ayesha, Chris C, Big Buddha, Dakota, SadFace, Sarah, Linsday and Ty-Lor God Of Cooking.) They must cater an event for a teen client named Blanca Flores.
Coke Mouth: “Maybe she’s a Mexican rock star.” (He just wanted win a bet by using the word ‘rock’ during filming so he can use the cheddar to get two for five rocks on the corner. Werd.) Turns out it’s Blanca’s 15th birthday or Quinceañera (not a bad lil drama http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0451176/ btw.)
They’re expected to make “elegant Mexican cuisine” according to Pads and, of course, a cake. Dreams Of Not Making Dessert, Shattered!

30 Minutes to Plan!
Green Team asks Blanca if her family likes spicy or mild. Mild. Ceviche? Yeah. Boys? -Who the hell asked that? Coke Mouth- you Creep! When Blanca says she likes goat Cashew Chuy bangs the table triumphantly- apparently his grandfather taught him how to slaughter goat and it’s very close to his heart. That or he liked holding warm, recently butchered goat hearts close to his own heart. I’m not really sure, his eagerness on this subject concerns me.

Over on Team Pink Lindsay knows Spanish- she lived in Mexico for 4 years and helped Michelle Bernstein open her restaurant down there!

Gangsta! But before they have a clear plan they, like Team Green, splits into two teams- one shops Whole Foods, the other a Mexican meat market. Ayesha asks Lindsay how much the shrimp is at WF since it’s “$8.99 a pound” at the Mexican Market. Notice Ayesha (standing with Chris C. and Ty-Lor)

…Lindsay tells her it’s $9.99 at WF and to get it there but make sure it’s really nice, she wants to make shrimp cocktail. Big Buddha is there suddenly and says “The shrimp are gonna be cooked, is that okay?” Chris C.: “What’s that?”
Big Buddha: “I’m getting cooked shrimp.”
Chris C.:

Ummmmmmmmmm.
Meanwhile Heather has pastry chef experience and Dakota says it’s not against the rules to read the recipe off the back of a cake mix box.
Ummmmmmmmmm.

Then Major Dramz during the 3 Hours of Prep when Lindsay and Sarah find out Big Buddha bought pre-cooked frozen shrimp. When Sarah asks why Chris C. says “That was all Keith.” (Big Buddha.) When Sarah asks why they didn’t stand up for the shrimp (cause you know shrimp are curved and can’t stand themselves) Chris C. says “We didn’t see it.”
Ummmmmmmmmmm.
Sarah: “Did ya’ll not go to the counter with him?” Chris C. says they did but Buddha was like “I got it, I got it.”
Really? Cause I don’t recall that at all. And the Bravo producers would have shown that. I mean, look, we all remember GOODFELLAS and Paul Sorvino slicing garlic with a razor in prison, maybe Big Buddha could have flipped those frozen shrimp into something spectacular but Lindsay is teary and says it’s baffling to her why that was done. Big Buddha says (To Camera) the chefs around him didn’t voice any concern at all.
Just so we’re clear here:

Lindsay to now bestie Sarah: “…sabotage. My only concern is I don’t have a dish now.”
Big Buddha says Lindsay is talking shit and he feels alone. WHEW! I need a Tums already!

Meanwhile it’s all light and love on Team Green where Cashew Chuy tastes everything since he’s the “resident Mexican.” Heather has pastry experience and makes the cake. Butterflies fly out of peoples asses and blue birds wash dishes with their feathers while fawns grate cheese.

In the TCTX House, the teams stay separate and plan. Big Buddha discusses cutting pineapple. Sarah: “You wanna cut it big then we can, you know, cut it big.” BB: “Well it’s a team so I’m tryna get feedback…if you wanna do it this way, I’m not opposed to that.”
(I assure you he is not an abm (angry black man) when he says this and I’d like to commend BB for it. It’s obvious because of his background he’s worked very hard to be delicate about such things. Even so, I am preeeeetty positive where this whole thing is headed.)

2 1/2 hours to finish!
Lindsay thinks the pork Big Buddha cut is too thick “for women.” Microscope time! Also- SEXIST!
BB says he has plenty and can cut it thinner. She goes right to Sarah and tells her what he’s going to do. Ayesha (not an abw…yet) senses the underlining Team Pink tension.
As the chefs set up tables, Pads enters in a lovely but simple dress as to not outshine Blanca (impossible! Her cleavage alone could slay the entire family!) and, in an awkward moment, introduces the birfday girl to Colicchio, the megaforeheaded Guest Judge she already met and Unibrow.

Pause Moment: Unibrow eyes Blanca’s curls as he dreams of strengthening his stylist-plucked hair fare back to a full-on Bert from Sesame Street brow.


Now sometime around here I get a text from CC who asks why Mark Mothersbaugh is on Top Chef- I'm still not sure which chef he's referencing- any takers? And also asks when MTV started producing this show. I kinda agree. It feels a bit set up, small and predictable. And the camera angles are getting wonky.
Get on the stick, Top Chef Producers! Don't sully the brand!

The Judges intro apps before they go to the team’s tables. Ty-Lor God Of Cooking – (Team Pink) prepared a Fire-Roasted (of course) summer fritter with avocado mousse. Unibrow calls it a hushpuppy, Colicchio announces that it’s dry, Blanca says you can’t taste the mousse. But technically since she’s 15, she thinks mousse belongs in hair or in the wild.
Accessory Chef Richie (Team Green) made tapioca chicharrón (pork rinds) with pork carnitas. Blanca says the chicharrón could have been more crispy because it was soggy in the middle. Okay you got us there, Blanca. Score one for you.
Big Buddha & Lindsay’s (Team Pink) pork tenderloin huarache with pineapple salsa is next. Pads: “The pork is really nice. I took one bite of it and I dragged the whole piece of meat in my mouth.”

Guest Judge: “We’re still struggling with execution, we’re still struggling with the presentation.” Ouch.
Street Food’s shrimp yuzu ceviche with corn salsa and yucca chips is Colicchio’s fave thus far and has a lot of flavor. Redeemed!
Then they line up to taste Team Pink’s food. Nyesha presents her ceviche (tilapia) with crispy plantain chips and spiced popcorn for texture…

...which looks suspiciously like what Snoopy made for Thanksgiving.

Colicchio says the flavor is good but the texture is mealy. (Ew, I hate that word. It makes me think of worms for some reason.)

Chris C. compliments Blanca to make up for the fact that he made choclo con chile. That’s corn. He made CORN! Yet Pads’ thinks it’s a favorite. (It’s corn.)
Ty-Lor serves Big Buddha’s enchiladas and salsa verde because Sarah is giving Big Buddha a bowl and instructing him to “do another batch” of something. Sarah: “…bring them to me and put them in the back.” Trying to be a team player after the shrimp ordeal, Big Buddha runs to the kitchen as told. Yeah, I’m getting a sour taste in my mouth too. Tastes like a railroad.
Unibrow says Big Buddha’s tortilla should be corn. Colicchio likes the flavors. Unibrow: “Like it or not, he’s made a burrito.”
Lindsay & Sarah serve Ty-Lor’s dish of carne asada with pinto beans (except Lindsay pronounces his name TyLER) and Sarah explains they didn’t make the tortillas. Then Lindsay & Sarah (apparently now rivaling the closeness of the Accessory Chefs) present their cochinita pibil (slow roasted pork) with pickled red onions and salsa. The Judges’ don’t like the store bought tortilla that falls apart as they eat it.
Team Green is next with Coke Mouth’s tomatillo gazpacho with watermelon, jicama and chicharrón (pork rinds) on a stick with dried plantains. Unibrow thought it was great with good flavor (because, as we know, he is not rife with adjectives.)
Accessory Chef Chris, still sporting sunglasses, regular glasses and a headband with Accessory Alert: the addition of a ponytail….

…presents his green chile, mushroom and Oaxaca cheese empanadas that Colicchio thought were highly seasoned.
Cashew Chuy shows off his braised goat birria (stew), cabbage, red peanut (true to his name!) salsa and handmade queso fresco. They all like the goat but thought the cabbage added nothing.
Baby Face Bev presents her beef short rib asada with piña kimchi (Korean Mexican fusion-style.) The editors did not include any comments on her dish but it looked pretty damn good.
Grayson’s pulled chicken mole with pickled red onion, crema & lime and sour cream with grilled tortillas (that they also didn’t make) is called mushy.
Time for Cake!

Dakota talks smack- she has the colors Blanca wants and the fruit. Apparently Blanca asked for something colored like ‘mall art’?

Heather’s cake is a pretty lop-sided mound that looks a bit like Mother Nature took a poop.


Blanca likes the colors of Dakota’s cake but there was a lil too much frosting. She thinks the taste of Team Green’s cake, vanilla tres leches (“classic Mexican,” a guest remarked) was great. Through it all Blanca smiles and is gracious because Bravo paid for the whole affair and it’s being televised.
Pause Moment: Notice the girl on the right who mistook “Bravo” for “Beiber.” She was pisssssed when he didn’t show up.


Blanca dances with her dad, Baby Face Bev watches and weeps openly (apparently her dad doesn't think women can do much of anything and she wants to succeed in his eyes. Ugh.) And shortly after, Colicchio announces the winner right there at the party– Team Green. No big surprise here. Big Buddha smiles but foresees being thrown under the bus. Pads asks to see the least faves: Ty-Lor, God of Cooking, Sarah, Lindsay and Big Buddha. She mentions Dakota had immunity and that was the only reason why she wasn’t there. Snap.

Unibrow chastises them for not picking a leader for their team. Sarah: “There really wasn’t a menu, TyLER was gonna do carne asada, Lindsay was gonna make shrimp cocktail….”

Colicchio: “Shrimp cocktail? I don’t remember seeing that.”
Unibrow asks who bought pre-cooked shrimp. Big Buddha raises his hand and says he looked at price and labor and made a decision. Colicchio: “Were you shopping by yourself?” Big Buddha: “No sir, I had a team with me.”
Unibrow: “I feel for ya, but if I was in that position and you brought back pre-cooked shrimp to me, I’d be yelling at you too.”

Unibrow: “Sorry.”
Sarah smiles.

Thus ruining the Hall and Oates song for me.
When asked what happened in place of the shrimp, Lindsay offered Ty’s weak fritter. Guest Judge says the term “fritter” itself is a problem. (Critter too. Lots of negative connotations there.) Ty says it was a matter of having 30 minutes to come up with another appetizer. I’d like to point out that’s more time than they usually have to do a QuickFire.
Colicchio: “Certainly that’s not the reason why it was dry.”
Slam!
Ty-Lor God of Dryness: “No sir, that’s a cooking failure.”

Unibrow goes after Lindsay and Sarah’s tortillas: “they were crappy!” Then they dig in on Big Buddha’s. He said he didn’t know about a corn tortilla for enchiladas, he used flour in his region.
Ummmmmmmmmmm.
Guest Judge says if Buddha has used corn you could appreciate the spinach and the sauce but before he could hand out any potential compliments, Sarah jumps in: “I grew up here in Texas, I’ve lived here my whole life, I never do enchiladas with flour tortilla.”
Really. This is necessary, chick? This is gonna save you?
Tears began to form in the corner or Buddha’s eyes.
Awww maaan.
Pads: “It’s a team challenge, did you say to Keith we usually use corn tortillas?”
Sarah: “I did not. I’m not here to boss everyone around and tell them your dish sucks, your dish is great…”
REWIND to her telling Accessory Chef Richie how to cut the snake in the QuickFire though and that WASN’T a team challenge. Immunity and 5k was on the line!
Then the mountain speaks.
Big Buddha: “If she had an opinion about something then say that” (to Sarah) “you love driving the bus, hitting people. We had an army of corn tortillas.”
I recall no such army btw.
Colicchio: “So no one ever suggested to you to use corn?”
BB says no and that this was a team challenge. Sarah says Buddha wasn’t talking to anyone in the kitchen during the prep.

Also, she says if she could go back she would change it because this is the last place she wanted to be.
The Time Machine Defense? The one that should only be used in the case of war, national disasters or avoiding pregnancy? That’s all you got Sarah Smile?
And can I just go on record with something that has nothing to do with BB’s dilemma? Aren’t corn tortillas kinda gross? I find them thick and tasteless. If I DON’T notice a corn tortilla whatever was inside there must have been pretty gd good. Speaking of which, Sam Talbot is the chef in my pants.

The Judges say they all failed for chefs with the types of accolades they had. Agreed. Big Buddha had a strike pre-cooked shrimp non-withstanding. Lindsay LIVED in Mexico for four years and her flavors were off. Ty-Lor, Former God Of Cooking, made a fritter critter. Sarah used crappy tortillas and only made half a dish- the assy one- with Lindsay. But, in the end, they ask the big man to pack his knives and go.
Big Buddha says he had some tough times in his past that have caused him to dig deep but “just know that” there is light at the end of the tunnel. “I’ve been through that tunnel a few times, so good things happen to good people.”

Full Disclosure: I almost picked Big Buddha. What better story could there be than a guy who used to be in prison, found cooking, was nominated for a James Beard Award and ended up winning Top Chef Texas?
Lindsay says he made poor decisions but he’s a genuine man and it’s tough to see him go.
Yeah. Still, I sorta wanna punch her. I want to punch my own pick! (Not in the throat though cause her neck is so big it would crush my finger bones.)
Big Buddha hugged everyone. Even Lindsay, Sarah and Ty-Lor. It was a group hug but a hug nonetheless. Then he walked out with his head held high.

And so, the revised list is here:

TOP CHEF TEXAS!
LOGUE Grayson
TRIPP Heather and Nyesha
ELLIE Street Food and Sarah
KAT B Sarah
MAUREEN Lindsay and Nyesha
KEITH B Andrew from Austin and Heather
MERIDEN Grayson and Street Food
LB2 Chris C. and Coke Mouth
COLUCCI Accessory Chef Chris
LB Coke Mouth and Ty-Lor God Of Cooking
KRISTEN K Lindsay and Nyesha
BERTSCH Heather and Dakota
ED K Accessory Chef Chris and Street Food
BROWNIE Nyesha and Street Food
ME Grayson and Lindsay
Q Coke Mouth
GBG Sarah and Street Food
JET Street Food and Baby Face Bev
STRIPES Lindsay and Cashew Chuy
JENNA Nyesha
DAISY Nyesha and Street Food
CC SadFace and Ty-Lor God Of Cooking
NIKKI M Sarah and Street Food
FLAISHER Nyesha and Cashew Chuy
LUCY Street Food
COLANTO Chris C. and Nyesha

Don’t hate if you’re down to one so early in the game, there’s still hope.
And OH SNAP here it is right now! It's the Last Chance Kitchen!
Let's go!
Big Buddha says Lindsay and Sarah let him down. THEN they show Sarah and him getting tortillas out of a bag. Sarah: "Is that the flour?"
Yup.
BB says getting into Top Chef is something he'll always savor. He goes to pack his bags and sees what he thinks is a thank you letter. It's an invitation to the Last Chance Kitchen! So that's how they find out!

Last Chance Kitchen Challenge
They each have six ingredients, ten minutes to prep and then make a dish. BB is still in shock but seems totally calm. He does clams two ways, cold and hot. Andrew from Austin (remember him!?) does one: grilled raddichio with olive oil, lemon juice, clams and pepper. He went Mediterranean (just last like last time with the pizza.) Big Buddha does a ceviche with lemon zest and then a mint sofrito steamed in champagne butter.
OMG my stomach is in knots. Stomach knots- SNOTS!
Colicchio says Andrew from Austin's dish was nice and BB's was subtle. "Little details really make the dish but he has to go with the one that was better."
BIG BUDDHA!!!!
Just ignore that stuff I said above, these Top Chef Producers are geniuses!
Best brand ever!
Big Buddha is back in this mutha: "The washing machine in my stomach is tumbling right now, I don't know what to expect but I'm gonna forge ahead."
Yeah! Forge!
(And get that washing machine outta your belly, you know unless it's another Kenmore tie-in.)
Until next week Poolers...

TOP CHEF TEXAS!
LOGUE Grayson and Big Buddha
TRIPP Heather and Nyesha
ELLIE Street Food and Sarah
KAT B Sarah and Big Buddha
MAUREEN Lindsay and Nyesha
KEITH B Heather
MERIDEN Grayson and Street Food
LB2 Chris C. and Coke Mouth
COLUCCI Accessory Chef Chris and Big Buddha
LB Coke Mouth and Ty-Lor God Of Cooking
KRISTEN K Lindsay and Nyesha
BERTSCH Heather and Dakota
ED K Accessory Chef Chris and Street Food
BROWNIE Nyesha and Street Food
ME Grayson and Lindsay
Q Coke Mouth and Big Buddha
GBG Sarah and Street Food
JET Street Food and Baby Face Bev
STRIPES Lindsay and Cashew Chuy
JENNA Nyesha and Big Buddha
DAISY Nyesha and Street Food
CC SadFace and Ty-Lor God Of Cooking
NIKKI M Sarah and Street Food
FLAISHER Nyesha and Cashew Chuy
LUCY Street Food and Big Buddha
COLANTO Chris C. and Nyesha