Thursday, October 27, 2011

Who wants to swim in the Top Chef Texas Pool? YEEHAW!

How do?!
Me? Well, I’m sicker than a horny toad on the 820 to Benbrook.
(I don’t know why people say ‘I’m sick as a dog.’ Do dogs catch colds? I’ve seen ‘em sneeze but really they just pant bad breath on a reg- how does one tell?)

So you must have a hint as to why I’m soliciting you. Yessss, it’s that time of year again. No, no, I’m not going to ask you to contribute to the Cooper Striders track team in Roxbury–though I’m sure they still need your help. I’m here to see if you wanna enter the Top Chef Texas Pool!
(See up there, earlier when I mentioned the 820 to Benbrook? That’s in Texas! Get it? So, awww never mind…)

Yep, Padma's back. In hideous denim. But she could make calico print overalls look dope, quiet as it's kept.
As you can prolly tell, the 9th season of Top Chef is gonna be a mountain of cowboy boots slathered in beef and chili with a side order of overdone drawls and Confederate flag sightings.
Why not play along?
I mean I know you're not watching the Red Sox and so far there's gd NBA this year.
Oh here's a good article on the Sox btw:

For those who are new to the potential game, here’s how it works:

You watch the premiere of Top Chef Texas next Wednesday November 2nd at 10pm on Bravo in the privacy of your home or some friend or relative who doesn’t mind you double dipping into the cheese spread and farting on their couch cushions.
THEN you make two picks from the TC contestants...HOLD UP, there are 29 chefs competing?! REEEE-WIND!
“Twenty-nine chefs, nearly double the previous seasons, will become chef'testants on the show though only 16 will head to Texas to compete in Austin, Dallas and San Antonio, when the new season opens November 2 at 10p.”
Lordy Day!
Hm, it looks like they haven’t officially released the contestant list but here’s a link to some casting tapes (no news on whether or not all featured were selected. Pretty sneaky, Bravo.)

After you watch the first episode, get me your two picks and $20 by 9pm NEXT Wednesday 11/9 (before the next TCTX ep premieres!)
I will email a list of everyone's picks and every Thursday you'll receive a glorious update of the previous night's proceedings!
At the end of the season, if you picked the winner, you win! It's just that simple!

So Come on, Do It!
(Do it. Come on, do it. Do it.)

Email me directly or post on the blob whether or not you want to play and feel free to pass this along to other peeps so we can get that kitty nice and fat! (Ew.)

Okay, in an attempt to heal my sickly ass, I’ve just been cupped by my acupuncturist.

All my toxins have been released!
(And perhaps some of my soul.)
I'm feelin' a little tired so this human domino is gonna have a lay down but how ‘bout you sit back with some Easy Jesus (that's what my Uncle Darryl used to called E&J Brandy) and read a lil’ something I've titled:

The Top Chef Action News!

This just in- a SERIOUS SHOCKER. No joke.
Morgan- one of the finalists in the last season of Top Chef Just Desserts was arrested for child porn.
Child porn.
And he has a young son!
In Jenna’s words: “We knew he was creepy, but this!?! Holy fuck!”

Hmmm... then there's this:
“Contestants who are eliminated from the ninth season of Top Chef will get a chance at redemption through Top Chef: Last Chance Kitchen. The web-only series will serve as a companion piece to the popular TV show and will document an alternate round of cook-offs featuring the TV show's cast-offs.”
Ehhh- that name sounds too close to “the Last Chance Workout” on The Biggest Loser if you ask me. Come on Bravo writers, I know you're all high on the fact that you created a line of Quickfire wines but try a lil harder.

Oh here’s a handy list of restaurants opened by Top Chefs so you gawk and complain in person!

And check out The Food Network tryna step it up. Zakarian's in this mutha?

Finally, dessert. Mmmmmm Sam Talbot. DELICIOUS!

That’s all for now. I’ll be harassing you sooner rather than later as I would like to raise the coffers to The Biggest Pot In The Reality Pool History.
Yeah I said it!

Get at me, Poolers.