Thursday, December 30, 2010

"Hey dishes, I cut my finger, um, I know you need to get washed but..."

What up Poolers!
No, no new Top Chef All Stars ep last night.
Episode 100 airs next Wednesday (January 5th, 2011 !!) but I had a little incident occur and so I’d like to take a moment, if you don’t mind, to talk to one of the remaining know her, you hate her...Jamie.

What up, Biddy?
So, um two days ago I was washing dishes (I don’t know if you DO that or not) and I had a can of sake in the sink (Colucci, you’re familiar.)
Here it is, Funaguchi Kikusui.

I like these cans cause they come with a little plastic cover and you can rock them outside if you want and the sake itself is like a light white wine with depth. Supadelicious.
(You’re gonna love it, Daisy! $8 at your Brix or anywhere fine sake is sold.)
Anyhoo, I’m a recycler (you prolly don’t DO that either, do you Jamie?) and I already have a couple of these cans that I’m gonna put coins or pencils or chopsticks or opium in and I thought I could use another. So I went ahead and put the sponge in the can to wash it out and see this tiny little lip here on the inside of the can?

Yeah, the sponge slipped and my index finger went right on it as I was twisting the can.
I got a nasty a** cut.
It was quite bloody. But you know what I did?
No, no I didn’t call the medic. This is reality, ho.
I simply cursed the skies and applied pressure and water and hydrogen peroxide until I could put a Spongebob Squarepants Band Aid on it.
No stitches. No “Hey, dishes, I cut my finger, um, I know you need to get washed but I’ll be back as soon as I can, sorry.”
No canceling of my beauty parlor appointment. (I never, ever cancel a beauty parlor appointment.)
No not actually carrying things or not using my digit (one of the most important digits in the Finger Family!)
No, I went on with my day.
You see, Jamie, some people press on.
Some people get the job done.
In Carla’s words when she cut her finger: “Does it hurt, yes, am I gonna faint, no?”

Wednesday night.
My finger was still sore to the touch. Whatevs though, I do what I want!
Well, last night, two days after the initial slicing, I decided to go from a SpongeBob Squarepants to a Spiderman Band Aid and behold:

Still bleeding!
Still bleeding after Two Days!
Huh? Yes I live very close to the hospitals but- um, no, I didn’t duck down behind the table so no one could see me because my chickpeas weren’t soft enough…what? No, I didn’t call a medic, b*tch, really- stop it with that sh*t.
I applied pressure (the pressure you seem to have easily avoid during this cooking competition) and dressed it and went on with my evening of an awesome hummus sammy from Flour and vegan corn and lime cookies.
That's how it's done in the real real world.
Try it.

Oh, and Jamie? Just in case you couldn’t tell what I was doing with my other fingers...

Well, Poolers, until next week, I bid you a Happy, Healthy New Eleven!
Don't forget to hydrate!


  1. Before I even saw the shout out, I immediatley got excited and thought about how can I get my hands on a fun little sake can like that!! This is a great post. We should have side bets on when Jamie gets kicked off since it is beyond rediculous that she is still hanging on by the two stiches in her finger.

  2. We TOTALLY need side bets on that! Can we get Colucci on it? How about CC? (I'm still trying to figure out how the NCAA pools work...)